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The truth behind tomatoes that scientists don't want you to know

By Brad Stanhope

Copyright ©2005 Daily Republic
OK, let's get one thing straight: Tomatoes are vegetables, despite what most people say.

Every biologist in the world can insist tomatoes are a fruit. Every nutritionist in the world can agree with them. Every second-grader can learn from their know-it-all teacher that tomatoes are fruit and insist - when you mention using "vegetables" such as tomatoes in a salad - that you call it a fruit.

The people who run the Tomato Festival in downtown Fairfield can make the theme of it be "our favorite fruit" and we can march and sing and echo the praises of the tomato being a fruit. The American Dietary Association can place tomatoes in the "fruit" category and insist we eat several servings a day.

But tomatoes aren't fruit. They're vegetables.

Oh, sure. You know the "facts" as they've been presented: According to scientists, true fruits are developed from the ovary in the base of the flower, and contain the seeds of the plant.

That makes a tomato a fruit, according to scientists - the same people who assured us the sun revolved around the earth; the same people who said it would help you get healthy to drill a hole in your skull and release the demons; the same people who thought a good bleeding could cure most maladies; the same people who insisted David Hasselhoff was the greatest singer in the world. (No, wait, that wasn't scientists. That was Germans. Never mind.)
But all scientists don't call tomatoes "fruits." Horticulturists, for instance, define them as a vegetable because they are a nonwoody annual.

I would agree with them if I had any idea what that meant.

But here's the real reason that tomatoes aren't fruits. A fruit is something you eat for dessert. You eat it on a hot day. You have it at picnics.

A kid takes fruit to school in a lunch bag to eat after consuming a sandwich, bag of chips and a Ho Ho.

Bananas are fruits. Apples are fruits and so are peaches, pears, raisins and watermelon. A cantaloupe is a fruit.

But a tomato? What self-respecting kid would whip out a tomato and bite into it before heading to the monkey bars? What guy, wearing a hard hat, would munch on a tomato before going back to dig a ditch?

The real definition - my definition - of fruit doesn't include tomato.

And my definition of a vegetable - "something you put in a salad, which many little kids don't like" - includes tomato.

So don't tell me tomatoes are fruits. And if push comes to shove, understand this: In 1893, the U.S. Supreme Court ruled a tomato was a vegetable, which allowed the federal government to impose taxes to protect domestic growers.

Are you gonna argue with the Supreme Court?

Sunday morning musings . . .

High five: In honor of Steve Young's induction into the Pro Football Hall of Fame, the best left-handed quarterbacks in NFL history.

5. Jim Zorn. Stuck in Seattle during the Seahawks' first few years, he was a playmaker.

4. Boomer Esiason. He carried the Bengals to a Super Bowl and led an outstanding offense.

3. Michael Vick. The most exciting player in today's NFL, he is a great runner and improving thrower.

2. Kenny Stabler. "The Snake" was a great athlete early in his career, a cagey veteran late. Not a bad combination.

1. Steve Young. Retired as the best passer ever and one of the greatest running quarterbacks.

Blast from the past: Susan Powter.

The muscular blonde with a crew cut was the star of infomercials a decade ago, urging people to "stop the insanity" and buy her videos - based on her story, which involved her husband leaving her and Powter subsequently raising two boys while losing nearly 150 pounds.
She had a book published in 2003 and is reportedly more angry and energetic than ever. She frightens me.

So, to summarize: Tomatoes are a fruit and Steve Young is the greatest lefty quarterback ever. So stop the insanity.

Reach Brad Stanhope at 427-6925 or bstanhope@dailyrepublic.net.